i saw my past, and i saw my future

Last night, Hen and I went to then local Families Need Fathers meeting. FNF are a registered charity whose aim is to improve the relationships between kids and their parents by providing support, advice and information as well as campaigning for changes in the law.

Clearly, this cause has become quite close to my heart of late, and I had reached the stage where I felt I wanted to get involved.

Anyway, the experience was both horrifying and eye-opening. It provided us both (I think) with a severe reality check as we spent a couple of hours in the company of a few dads (including one eloquent, heartbroken headteacher who I really grew to like over the course of the evening) whose contact with their children is basically "zero". These guys had been fighting (in some cases for years) for the right to achieve indirect contact with their children - i.e. the right to be able to send them letters (in some instances via a third party or a PO Box) and to receive perhaps two photos of their children per year.

They had gone, in some cases, from regular weekend access to a situation where it had been years since they last saw their children, despite all their best legal endeavours.

I came out feeling extremely embarrassed at the relative triviality of our own situation, but also steadfastly determined to throw my weight behind a campaign that aims to end this heartbreaking injustice.

Still, we learnt some things we didn't previously know and having heard these terrible stories I am today feeling thankful for the continued time we do have with Maddie, as it has become apparent that if the courts became involved our situation is unlikely to get any better. Whether we like it or not, (and we can debate about the fairness of the system until we are blue in the face) the reality is that the Ex holds the cards here and that trying to force her to change is not going to work. If that means basically going along with whatever she decides then we may be best served by doing this as the alternatives could so, so easily result in horror stories such as the ones we heard last night.