be free as old confetti

Review: Week ending Sunday 24 February 2013

This week: Three distinctly underwhelming films, a rubbish album and why BBC cookery shows are ridiculous

At the moofies

I had high hopes for I Give It A Year. A writer with a track record, some decent talent and a trailer that made me titter gave me encouragement that we'd finally get a British comedy that wasn't rubbish.

I am therefore sad to report that it is, er, crap.

There are all sorts of things wrong with I Give It A Year. While I like Rafe Spall, he's hopelessly miscast while Rose Byrne - again, someone I like - is *awful*, mainly due to the fact her character is so horribly one dimensional. Despite everyone's best efforts, it's not funny, it plods and it has the most preposterous set of plot twists imaginable. It's one of those films where you've seen all the best bits in the trailer, and some lazy covers of great pop tunes (Snow Patrol's lame version of Prefab Sprout's brilliant When Love Breaks Down is a case in point) don't help.

Sooner or later I'll see a good movie comedy. This is certainly not it. 3.5/10

This week's other marriage based drama is Judd Apatow's This Is 40. Billed as a 'sort-of' sequel to Knocked Up, This Is 40 examines the relationship between two 39 year-olds as they cope with growing children, middle age and all the stresses of modern life.

There are reasons to like This Is 40. I could watch Paul Rudd is pretty much anything, and his mirror scene from 2012's otherwise disappointing Wanderlust is my favourite screen moment of the last year or two. And, the film has some funny moments, not least a pair of brilliant playground arguments between a combination of kids and parents.

The main problem with This Is 40 is that there is just too much of it. It's at least 30 minutes too long, and some of the strands that keep it going beyond its required length don't actually add anything to the story. Apatow's desire to include 'his' actors also has the effect of making it look like a load of jobs for the boys - you won't be surprised to see the likes of Jason Segel and Chris O'Dowd here.

Lots of people in the showing I went to enjoyed This Is 40 much more than I did. However, I have to say that despite Rudd's best efforts, it left me pretty cold. Miles better than I Give It A Year, though. 5/10

A teenager with unusual 'powers' moves into a small American town having been forced to move around regularly. They fall in love with a normal teenager but their parents and others believe their love is doomed. The weird one lives in a big house tucked away amongst a load of trees.

Sound familiar? Considering that the Twilight film series is over, Beautiful Creatures looks set to take over where the vampire/werewolf drama left off. This time we have a witch (or a 'castor', to give her the correct title) who falls in love with a lad. There are weird powers, odd goings on, people who aren't who you think they are and lots of fit teenagers. And Eileen Atkins.

The British thesps provide what quality there is, here - Emma Thompson and Jeremy Irons are great - but it's silly, supernatural teenage fluff that, at times, makes Twilight look like Shakespeare. If you're 14, I imagine it will fill a Team Edward hole in your life. For everyone else, it's a bit daft. 5/10

Music to work by

Ben Montague's music career was all but over in 2010. Despite strong radio play for his singles, no record label or publisher came calling, and so the Kent-based singer quit music for a job as a barman. However, after hearing his single Haunted on the radio, he decided to give pop another go and his third album Tales of Flying and Falling was recently Radio 2's album of the week.

It's a pretty generic record and continues a furrow well ploughed by the likes of Matt Cardle, The Script and, to some degree, Lawson. There's plenty of arena-friendly anthems here, but, unfortunately, the whole thing is terribly vanilla and could have been produced at any time in the last 20 years. Choosing to collaborate with Lucie Silvas tells you everything you need to know about exactly how contemporary this record feels.

The BBC said that Tales of Flying and Falling 'feels like an album of songs you know already' and that is both a strength and a serious flaw. Clearly there is some musical and some songwriting talent here, but it's instantly forgettable and disappointingly pop-by-numbers. And I normally like pop-by-numbers...

The gogglebox

I caught the return of Food and Drink this week - an episode in which the presenters were trying to establish why Brits have a love affair with fast food. Disgusted with the quality of a takeaway burger they sampled, they instead showed how easy it is to make 'fast food' at home - by making a burger our of duck mince that contained a dollop of a cheese I've never even heard of on a brioche bun with a side of shallots and girolle mushrooms.

Jesus.

FYI, Michael Roux Jr, the reasons that the British public eat a McDonald's double cheeseburger rather than a duck mince patty are:

1. A double cheeseburger costs £1.49. Duck mince, brioche, vacherin cheese and girolle mushrooms cost, I am guessing, ten times that

2. I can buy a McDonalds and eat it immediately. I don't have to cook it myself

3. I know where my local McDonalds is. I don't know where sells duck mince and vacherin

Until such a time as TV cookery shows show how you can cook a healthy, easy meal out of value chicken fillets and a jar of sauce - which is what most of us can afford - they are howling in the wind. F***ing idiots.

Next week: Song for Marion and a new Gallery 47 EP

Author: Nick Parkhouse